You would much rather spend your Friday nights discussing the work of Soren Kierkegaard and sipping scotch than killing it on the dance floor at your local club. Your favorite coffee shop is the one with “responsibly grown” coffee that no one’s ever heard of, and in five years when you get tired of being a barista at said coffee shop, you’ll think about maybe going to law school.
For you, drama doesn’t stay on the stage. It’s your life. Your non-theater friends complain about you being overdramatic and practicing your British accent for weeks on end, which is why you’re slowly transitioning into only being friends with other Thespians who understand you. You’re going to make the big move to L.A. after college to make your big break, but instead of breaking a leg, you’re going to end up broke and working as a server.
You pride yourself on being the “smooth” one of your friend group. You could sell a painting to a blind person, and even though you may not be as passionate about your major as your friend who’s majoring in music, you know it will pay off because you’re one of the few who picked a major that will end up making you decent money.
You signed away your social life when you decided to major in biology, but you keep your head up by reminding yourself that in only a decade or so, you will be a stethoscope-toting, white-coated doctor. While your friends are worried about dating, you’re worried about passing the MCAT, and while they’re out to lunch with friends, you're probably at home alone with your cat.
You adore reading the likes of Chaucer and T.S. Eliot, so you can’t possibly fathom why other people would read the SparkNotes instead. Your greatest desire is to have a massive, Beauty and the Beast-sized library in your home, but unfortunately, you’re going to be lucky to even have a home because your dreams of becoming a book editor are all but dead.
You’re the person everyone unfollows on Facebook because they simply cannot handle anymore passionate statuses regarding the presidential candidates’ foreign policy. You get annoyed at people who are apathetic because this election is extremely important and you’re the only one who realizes that! Perhaps you’ll realize the importance of other things when you’re still working for free at your local campaign headquarters five years later.
As soon as you mention your major to an acquaintance or family member, their first words are, “Oh, really?! Can you fix my computer?” You want to scream at them that you aren’t their personal IT guy, but due to your social awkwardness, you politely smile and nod. At least you can rest assured that computers aren’t going anywhere and your future is nice and safe (and boring).
You think the human brain is so fascinating, and your favorite hobby is analyzing all of your friends to figure out what mental disorders they may have. You can’t help but spout off your Psychology 101 material to your family members whenever it’s relevant (which is always, of course) because you know that outside of them, no one is going to take you seriously unless you have a master’s degree.
You’ve mastered the art of deciphering all kinds of foreign accents thanks to your engineering professors and now can proudly translate for your classmates. Even though you’re practically guaranteed to make quite a bit of money after college, you still have trouble finding a date because your skills are limited to designing bridges, not making small talk and asking for people’s numbers.
Whenever someone asks you why you majored in history, you educate them on the fact that it’s important to know one’s past in order to not make those same mistakes in the future. It’s too bad that you didn’t look up the history of history majors because you could have avoided settling down as a driver’s ed instructor when you realize that only like two places in the country are hiring historians.
